He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
