how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
