Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We need to get me chipped asap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
