Don't make out with my wife yet
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize