almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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