Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
