were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
