I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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