I wish I could punch you in the face.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
