I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
