last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
