3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Even my vagina gasped.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
