Your dad touched me again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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