I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
