i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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