His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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