Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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