I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
