I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
