I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize