I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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