break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had sex on a roof
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
