It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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