HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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