I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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