So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
