i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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