I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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