I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
