I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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