I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize