This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
