Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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