Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
