I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
