If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
