I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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