i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
