I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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