i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
