I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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