Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
false alarm. still invincible.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
