Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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