conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
