I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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