I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
