dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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