He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
