just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
