im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize