she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
