I wish I could teleport
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
