She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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