sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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