my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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