she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dicks are not precious.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
