Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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