I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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