I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
