Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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