another moral hangover. fuck.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
