dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
