why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize