Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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