I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
