Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
