i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
