I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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