You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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