Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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