I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
