I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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