she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
