so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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