If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
God, I missed his penis.
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