Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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