You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
