found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize