I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
