she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize