Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
