Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize