I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
