Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ruined the universe
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
