last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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