I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
