he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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