Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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