I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
