I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
