this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
