guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize