the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
