Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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