Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize