the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
