hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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