her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My vagina is officially offended.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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