Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
