We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
