If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
