mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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