I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
