I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vodka?
Forever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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