and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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