margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
