We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
