Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
