ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
