My first STD was from a foam party
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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