Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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