After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
